During my days of being tethered to the rubber hose and bag, I was able to settle down 4 times over the past 2 weeks and I made myself do a few watercolor studies. I couldn't really move much...and sitting straight up to paint was a painful operation! Nonetheless, I need to report on the calming and healing effects that I received from these moments of hindered creativity! My mind couldn't get off of the various pains that I was feeling...and I swear I could feel a difference when I was able to focus all my concentration on painting. The portion of my brain screaming in pain shut the hell up, and allowed the rest of me to flow with the paint over the paper. I was very slow...and if you knew me you would understand how against my nature that is! I am a nervous person, I talk fast, think even faster, and my actions are rarely what we call slow! The surgery and narcotic pain killers brought me to another level of concentration and for an hour at a time, all body pains disappeared. Sweet. However, the paintings sucked. At least, that's my general opinion of them.
At one point, in utter frustration, I ventured upstairs to the studio, on a day that was particularly painful. I couldn't sit without pain, so I stood there and worked on a collage using one of the aforementioned bogus watercolors. Being back in my own element was soothing and immediately all pains were washed away by vintage ephemera and my starry eyed dreams. I ended up laying out one collage work and yesterday afternoon, in celebration of losing the catheter, I glued it down. How can I describe how this was So Satisfying??? I was made to be a collage artist! I can't tell you enough of the peace I felt during these fleeting mixed media moments.
I was stuck on the couch. Stuck looking out this one window. Stuck with this one view. Stuck with using watercolors, since all other art materials are in the studio. Stuck and restrained. I believe that Matthew Barney has spent half his life dealing with the subject of restraint...there's something to be said about it. Moving from a restrained and very controlled creative situation to a very open and free creative situation was like running out in the open air with my arms open thru a meadow and singing "the hills are alive, with the sound of music..." like Julie Andrews.
The collage that I did wasn't so great. It's typical of most of my work...But it will always be a special artwork to me, one that symbolizes the essence of why I do collage. I love the freedom of expression that it allows me. Lets face it! I am just loving life now that I can get back to it!
I guess I am almost back in the saddle again!
No comments:
Post a Comment