Seeking Solace in the Swamp Saturnal

Palms sweaty. Furrowed brow. Tired brain. New Rules.
I am sitting at my studio table and every creative urge I have wants to be a robotic repeat of something I have already done. I fight it like crazy. I don't allow myself to use my usual "tricks" to fill space or to add colors.
Frowning. Indecision. Void.
Time passes while I sit and stew over my internal oblivion. The piece sits on the table another week. I sit down again, with a new attitude, a different day, and still it plagues me on so many levels.
Redundant. Repetitive. Disgusted. Anxious.
I slowly pieced this together each step of the way pulling tugging and sometimes pushing myself and much to my Horror, in the end, it still looks like My Work.
I am dumbfounded.

Every time I wanted to pick up a piece of printed ephemera, I considered it first of course, as usual, as to the value, line, color and subject. But right after that the ghosts of copyright surfaced and then each piece receieved the final examination. Most pieces were sent back to the box where they came from. If the piece was small enough, a scroll, a hacked up piece of type, then I could allow it. The man's body was difficult. I didn't think painting it would look right. I ended up leaning on a magazine cut, but for the head, my personal rules required an actual photograph. No copyrighted heads! After such intense consideration over every single piece of paper that got glued I am kind of disappointed to find that the end result really does look like just another one of my works!
After considering this dilemma...I think I can come to terms with it. Perhaps changing my materials and obeying copyright laws isn't as imposing and restrictive as I made it out to be. If I can still come out in the end with a piece I am happy with what does it matter?
I have to admit tho, that I am craving a New Look for my work. Imposing new rules didn't seem to affect that at all. I think this is where my attention now lies.


tgarrett said...

Perhaps this is your work you are meant to do! If you go back to this is that a bad thing? I have always LOVED your work- both in imagery and composition- always room to ponder and explore-Terry

Julie Sadler said...

Thanxxx T.
Growth for artists I think sometimes is so very tough. You get used to what your stuff looks like--. I guess this experiment has taught me that I can't take the Julie out of the work! No matter how I try! haha!
Now, I need to look inward, and pull that feeling out of me from within. I hope I am getting closer.
Thanks for the encouragement. Sometimes I wonder if anyone will read this blog now that I am trying to focus on my own work.

andrea said...

Your blog is getting really interesting! You bet we'll keep up with it.

And now I'm tempted to write, again, "do you remember when..."

Alright, here it is: Do you remember when we went to Ground Zero, and what you did with the found objects you picked up around NYC? The artwork was very Julie, yet also a radical departure because you worked with "living" materials.


Julie Sadler said...

I do remember. It was a moving moment for me actually...
I wonder, did that piece end up in the MOMA exhibit? Did you see...?

I know you had that journal, but that doesn't mean you returned it to someguy! haha...

andrea said...

That piece (in Journal 610) should be in the SFMOMA exhibition.

Someguy has all the journals back we found around the world. I've kept three slim journals I'm taking to screenings and interviews, and hand out to people I meet and keep in close contact with. They are filling up nicely, so they can be in the next exhibition! The SFMOMA show is closing today...

___A place to find all kinds of information about collage.