Palms sweaty. Furrowed brow. Tired brain. New Rules.
I am sitting at my studio table and every creative urge I have wants to be a robotic repeat of something I have already done. I fight it like crazy. I don't allow myself to use my usual "tricks" to fill space or to add colors.
Frowning. Indecision. Void.
Time passes while I sit and stew over my internal oblivion. The piece sits on the table another week. I sit down again, with a new attitude, a different day, and still it plagues me on so many levels.
Redundant. Repetitive. Disgusted. Anxious.
I slowly pieced this together each step of the way pulling tugging and sometimes pushing myself and much to my Horror, in the end, it still looks like My Work.
I am dumbfounded.
Every time I wanted to pick up a piece of printed ephemera, I considered it first of course, as usual, as to the value, line, color and subject. But right after that the ghosts of copyright surfaced and then each piece receieved the final examination. Most pieces were sent back to the box where they came from. If the piece was small enough, a scroll, a hacked up piece of type, then I could allow it. The man's body was difficult. I didn't think painting it would look right. I ended up leaning on a magazine cut, but for the head, my personal rules required an actual photograph. No copyrighted heads! After such intense consideration over every single piece of paper that got glued I am kind of disappointed to find that the end result really does look like just another one of my works!
After considering this dilemma...I think I can come to terms with it. Perhaps changing my materials and obeying copyright laws isn't as imposing and restrictive as I made it out to be. If I can still come out in the end with a piece I am happy with what does it matter?
I have to admit tho, that I am craving a New Look for my work. Imposing new rules didn't seem to affect that at all. I think this is where my attention now lies.