7/22/2013

It's all so deep and complicated....

who could explain it? Those inner thoughts and inner subconscious things that find their way out of the soul and into the art?

 i will try but honestly it will most likely come up short.

I've always had trouble with self image. My father meant well but was hard on us kids and I never got too many attaboys even if deserved. My looks were average so so and I never was able to look in the mirror without wanting to look away. In my own way I have avoided my "self" and never really came to terms with what exactly it is that I Am. Even in the 50+ years of life on this planet. I have run so hard, I never paused to feel.
As I age, (and age and age) I am forced to look in that mirror and see what I have been hiding. I am finding out what wants to be revealed. And I am finding the time to pause and look within to see what hides deep down.

In my art I have always had problem with people. As a youth, my pictures contained no "man" and no trace of him at all not even a house or man made object. Pure Nature was joy and perfection, get man involved and it all goes sour! In my young adulthood I came to terms with this and began to explore humans and their environment. I used pictures from every source in my collage and nothing was sacred. Slowly I have no decided that as a ...dare we say it? Mature adult...I feel  I no longer have the time to hide and I have begun to explore with putting my Self into the picture. The progression seems to point to the fact that I am forcing myself to go Inward and get to the root of the matter and Outward to see what it is that I show to the world.

I have looked back at these selflies, these self portraits a la collage....and I can see wrinkles. Lots of them actually! Without seeming vain, I am trying to look at myself long enough to accept myself. And live with this New Older Me.  I am hoping to see beyond the superficial into my mind too. I can see connections in the art with how I feel in my heart. They are my own symbols, perhaps no one else can ever be expected to see them! But I am connecting with the inside and the outside of my Self. Perhaps there are some dormancies that need to come out of hibernation.

This is why these particular self portrait - selfies- pieces excite me enough to bring me out of my sleep and back to this blog. To report it. This excitement of self reflection and nirvana through creative art exploration.

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